


Baby Blues

by gerank



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Birth, Breastfeeding, Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:52:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9604811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerank/pseuds/gerank
Summary: Philip gives birth, Lukas steps up.





	

It was deep into a Wednesday night, _11:57 A.M._

Philip was lying alone in bed. Legs sprawled out, palms resting on his nine month pregnant belly. Fingers gently tapping a rhythm to the lyrics he hums. He sings to her a lot, songs he likes. Sometimes twinkle twinkle little star or rock a bye baby when he’s just trying to get her to settle. She seems to enjoy it, stops kicking at his insides when Philip's singing.

He whispers to her too, late at night in the darkness of his room. He cups his tummy and tells her about his day, tells her how beautiful she is. How pretty she’ll be when she arrives. He wonders if she’ll take after her daddy, _Lukas_. It makes him feel all warm inside, hoping she’ll have both of their features. Maybe Lukas’s hair, Philips eyes...

He thinks about names for her. Searches up baby sites for names even, they’re all pretty common, basic ones. He rubs at his eyes, exhausted. Leaning over the side of his twin-sized bed he pulls his crumpled t-shirt off the floor and slides it back on. Flicks off the switch of his lamp and slides comfily into his sheets. Lying on his side, he dreams of blue oceans and baby cries.

-

Waking up from a strange wet feeling and extreme pain in his lower abdomen, Philip squints his eyes confusedly at the stain on his bed. He touches it tentatively before he realizes his water fucking broke. Philip gasps as the increasing aching in his pelvis. He worriedly presses his palms to his tummy, feeling overwhelmed with anxiety coursing through his veins. He yells out for Gabe, remembering that Helens out busy working night shift.

Everything feels like it’s going too fast, it’s making Philips head spin. He has his eyes shut tightly in discomfort as Gabe carries him down the hall. When he finally opens his eyes he’s lying down in the backseat of Gabes’ 08’ Jeep Liberty. Philip bites down hard on his bottom lip, hissing at the pain of the contractions.

“Breathe through your nose Philip.”

“we’ll be there soon.”

Philips eyes start watering, before he bursts into sobs. “It hurts so bad” he whimpers through choked cries. Pain is literally _radiating_ throughout his pelvis and lower back. Philip vaguely hears Gabe telling him to relax. He shifts in the backseat, spreading his thighs trying to alleviate the pain. The change in position doesn’t do much but send another wave of aching pain through him. Gabe’s speeding, but it feels like they’re getting all the red lights. The hospital comes into view and Philip couldn’t be more grateful.

-

 _4:53 A.M,_ Early Thursday morning.

The hospital staff escorts them to a standard delivery room. Two scrub clothed nurses are at Philips side helping him settle into the bed, they position his legs slightly bent and spread. He’s dressed only in a plain hospital gown, so Gabe adverts his eyes.

Philip furrows his brows as more pressure builds in his belly. Goose bumps raise on his thighs from the chilly air conditioned room. He pulls the thin hospital blankets up his legs. The nurse in her late forties administers the IV into his vein. It barely hurts him compared to his contractions.

Gabe looks tense, but he has a hopeful smile on his face. Once the nurses exit the room, Gabe gets off the plastic chair he was sat in, and moves toward the bed to join Philip. He strokes Philips arm, tells him to breathe and relax. It’s comforting, Gabe is so kind and fatherly towards him. _Father_. It reminds him through the exhausting pain that Lukas should be here, to witness the birth of their baby girl. Philip _needs_ him to be here. Gasping again he squeezes Gabe’s hand in a tight grasp and curls his toes.

“Call Lukas, please” he manages to get out, then returns to pushing.

Gabe leaves the room to make the call, while the nurses bombard him again. The doctor named Arleen Williams checks between his legs, testing how dilated he is. Pulling back she gives him a bright smile that crinkles the corner of her eyes.

“You’re doing great honey, you’re already 6 centimeters dilated.” She tugs off her gloves and glances towards the door as Gabe retreats back in.

“How is he doing?” Gabe asks positively.

Arleen answers him with a sure smile “awesome! He’s past onset labor and is now active labor at 6 centimeters dilation.”

Gabe thanks her as she goes to leave the room. Back at Philips side he speaks softly in his ear. “I called Lukas and Helen, he’s on his way and Helen will be coming to visit you after her shift.” Knowing that Lukas is coming relieves his anxious feeling by tenfold, but he’s still in unbearable pain and all he wants is Lukas to be here _now_. A tear slides down his cheek as waves of pain flood his body. Gabe brushes it off his cheek. Arleen returns to check his vitals and dilation of his cervix.

“The baby’s dropping wonderfully, you’re almost dilated 9 centimeters! Soon you’ll be pushing once you hit 10!” she speaks enthusiastically.

They all shoot their heads up towards the metal doors as Lukas pushes through them abruptly. Lukas is wearing blue scrubs, it makes Philip smile tiredly at him.

“Hey sweetheart!” Lukas says happily, and rushes towards him. Gabe steps aside to give them room, and sits back onto the plastic stool.  Softly gliding a hand through Philips sweaty hair, he comforts him. “I’m here baby, shh”, Philip lets out a cry as a contraction shoots pain through his lower back. It feels as if the baby’s getting lower, too low. It hurts so badly, he gets a tight grip in Lukas’s shirt and tugs when the pain gets too extreme. Lukas shushes him and kisses the side of his forehead. Looking up towards Lukas with bleary eyes, Philip cries out “It hurts.”

“I know baby, I know” Lukas closes his hand around Philips.

Arleen and another nurse re-enter the room. The younger nurse props Philips legs up in stirrups, opening them ever wider. Too in pain to even think twice about being so exposed, he hisses through his teeth and says “she’s coming.” Arleen looks pleased to hear this.

 “Let’s check if you can start pushing” Looking between his thighs, she presses two fingers inside him and determines he’s fully dilated.

“You’re ready sweetie, start slow.”

Philips scrunches his face and pushes, he weakly yells out in pain as the baby slides further down his birth canal. Arleen presses her hands on his abdomen, to get a feel of how low the baby is.

“You’re doing great, breathe through your nose and I want you to give me a good push.”

Lukas looks just as anxious as him, like if Philip didn’t have a strong grip on his sleeve he’d be pacing. Tensing down hard, Philip gasps and bites down on his tongue. He pushes relentlessly, tuning out the rush of voices floating around him. He focuses on Lukas, who’s stroking his arm and murmuring words of encouragement into his ears. Telling him about how in a few more pushes they’ll meet their little girl. He tells him how tough he’s being, too. Philip cries out in pained moan as he feels her shift downwards.

“She’s crowning!” Arleen exclaims.

Throwing his head back onto the bed he whines out again as waves of pain courses through his body, Lukas cups his cheek, “your doing so well, Philip you’re so amazing baby.” Tears are streaking his cheeks as he continues to push. Gabe has an amazed expression on his face, and says excitedly “Philip I can see the baby!” Lukas presses kisses to Philips clenched fist, then looks between Philips legs.

“Wow, I- _philip_.”

Peering through his sweaty bangs, Philip hisses “what?” and then tenses up again to push. He inhales loudly in and out his nose through the stretch.

Lukas grins all toothy “I can see her head!”

Philip can _feel_ it, he thinks bitterly. He screams the second her head pops through. Lukas is quick to rehold his hand, “you’re doing great baby, I’m so proud of you.” Philip is sobbing, body shaking with pain. The stretch is unbearable, feels like he’s tearing.

“C’mon, let’s get those shoulders out!” encourages the doctor.

He’s sweaty and weak, but it’s too late to stop now. He bears down hard and pushes once more, and another. Then she’s out. Relief floods Philips veins. Arleen picks their screaming newborn up gently and uses a bulb syringe to clear any mucus from her nose and mouth. She looks at Lukas, “are you ready to cut the umbilical cord?” Lukas speaks looking sure, “yes.” Arleen uses two clampers to hold it in place while Lukas snips it.

She gently places her on Philips belly.

It’s like the world tilted on its axis. Looking at her, she’s gorgeous. Dark tufts of brown hair on her head, long lashed blue eyes. Small cute little nose, two freckles dusts her cheekbone, with a tiny one below her lip. Like Philips. He smiles warmly at her, cradles her softly. Looking up through his lashes at Lukas, “you wanna hold her?”

Lukas eyes are shiny, he chokes out a “yes” and reaches for her. Looking slightly confused on how to hold her correctly Gabe appears by his side, and adjusts his arms.

“Just make sure to support her neck” Gabe says, and adds “wow, she is beautiful”.

Lukas beams at her, “well aren’t you so pretty?” looking up towards Philip he says “she looks just like you baby.” Philip nods and cries happily, “she’s perfect”.

Philip feels a tug in his heart watching them together, Lukas looks so natural holding her. She’s still making little whiny sounds, Lukas rocks her slowly to calm her. She quiets up slowly, Lukas grins proudly “she’s already a daddys girl!” Philip feels weirdly sensitive being away from her, “can I have her?”

“Yeah babe” Lukas leans over the bed and hands her to Philips outstretched arms. He lays her on his chest, She looks up at him, she has such pretty eyes. They remind him of the ocean. _Calming_. He strokes her tiny, delicate hands. Gently runs his fingers through her smooth brown hair. He thinks about naming her.

Philip looks up and speaks, “How about Jennifer?”

“Jennifer? After my mom?”

“Yeah,” Philip smiles and continues “Jennifer Anne Waldenbeck.” Gabe grins, “that sounds like a great name for my granddaughter.” Arleen pops her head in the door, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Gabe smiles, “No it’s fine, Philip just decided on a name for her.”

“Oh! that’s good to hear” She smiles and enters. “How are you feeling Philip?”

 “I’m tired and sore” he says truthfully. She nods, “that’s normal and expected. I’m going to take your little girl really quickly, I have to test her vitals.” Arleen takes her to a medical table. She puts on her stethoscope and tests her heart beat, then her lungs. Lukas puts his palm on Philip’s cheek and turns his head so he can kiss those plump lips. “I love you so much” Lukas whispers against his lips. Philip beams at him, “I love you too.”

-

_Friday, 11:56 A.M._

It’s bright out, sunny and warm. Spring fresh in the April air. Philip is being escorted out the hospital _finally_. It’s already been two long days. He is sore all over, he just wants to get home and sleep. The nurse and Lukas help Philip get out of the wheelchair and into Gabe’s Jeep.

Lukas holds his hand on the ride home, and kisses his hair while Philip naps on his shoulder. Their baby girl is sleeping comfortably in her new cherry patterned car seat that Gabe bought for her. Gabe is upfront, driving carefully and quietly. Lukas glances at his sleeping baby girl, he reaches out his hand to stroke her tiny fingers. Lukas tucks her duck blanket under her chin. He hums to the song that’s lowly playing on the radio.

-

Friday Night _, 12:34 A.M._

Philips been asleep since he’s got home from the hospital, the baby hasn’t. Gabe and Helen have been helping Lukas learn how to switch her diaper, and make her formula. It isn’t the hardest thing in the world, but it gets repetitive quickly. He sighs as she wakes up in a crying fit, for the 3rd time in the span of 6 hours.

He checks her diaper first, no messes thankfully. He rubs his tired eyes, and rocks her while he carries her to the kitchen to fix her a baby bottle. He pours the formula into the bottle and sticks it in the microwave for 25 seconds to warm it. Lukas whispers soothing words into her hair while they wait for the timer to beep.  

He grasps the bottle from the microwave and squirts some milk onto the back of his hand, testing the heat. It’s lukewarm, so he presses the nipple to Jenny’s mouth. She opens her mouth and sucks gently at it. She looks adorable. Her hairs slightly messy from sleeping, she’s wearing the pink polka dot nightgown Philip bought her. Lukas kisses her nose when she finishes sipping. He puts the remaining formula in the fridge, and takes her back to the nursery.

Softly laying her on the silky sheets, he tucks her stuffed bear next to her. He clicks on the musical stars that hang above her crib, and the star night light plugged in the outlet besides her bed. She closes her eyes slowly. He doesn’t leave her till he’s certain she’s sleeping.

-

Lukas tries to carefully get into bed, to not wake Philip. It doesn’t work, the bed makes a creaky noise and Philip looks toward him with bleary eyes. “How’s Jenny?” he mumbles with sleep still evident in his voice. Lukas kisses him, presses soft pecks to his chapped lips.

“She’s great, baby, I just got her to sleep.”

Philip smiles contently at him, and makes grabby hands toward Lukas. “Lay with me _Lukas_.” How could he say no to that? He wraps Philip in a tight hold. Holding him to his chest. They lay snuggling for about ten minutes, but even exhausted Lukas cannot sleep. His mind is filled with thoughts.

“I’m sorry for not being around like I should’ve.”

Philip must hear his words, because he tenses against his chest. He squints up at him asks confusedly, “what?” 

Lukas continues, “when you were pregnant, I should’ve been there for you since day one. I acted like a fucking dickhead to you for a while.” He makes a pained expression from the memory. “I guess everything was happening too fast for me, I was too immature and in the closet to treat you right.”

Philip is quiet for a moment, “At least you’re here now.”

“I know, and I’m going to be. Jenny’s my baby and so are you. I’m going to take care of both you from now on.”

 “Well aren’t you in parent mode?” Philip jokes with a tired smile.

Lukas grins mischievously at him, and sucks onto Philip's upper neck. Philip lets out a gasp. Lukas puts his hand over his mouth. Leaning in he whispers into Philips ear, “Shh, you’ll wake Jenna.” Philip laughs and pushes him off.

Lukas smiles and pecks his lips gently, and maneuvers Philip to lay with his head snuggled on his chest. Lukas watches TV on low for a little while, Philip sleeps comfortably on him. Glancing over at the end table, their table clock reads _2:07_.  Deciding it’s better to sleep, Lukas feels around for the plastic remote in the bunched covers. He flicks off the TV and eventually shuts his tired eyes.

-

Saturday Morning, 5:38 _A.M._

The first thing Philip hears when he wakes up is baby cries. He gently removes Lukas’s arm from around his waist and crawls slowly off the bed. Carefully to not disturb him. Standing dizzily on his feet, he opens their door and walks carefully towards the nursery through the dimly lit hall. Cracking open the white door, he goes in. Philip flicks on the light, and scoops Jennifer out of her crib.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

Jenny stops wailing after he rocks her for a couple seconds, gently patting her back. He checks her diaper. Yep, she pooped. Philips lays her down on a pink cotton baby blanket, and starts to undo her dirty diaper. She moves her little legs as he wipes her down with a Pampers baby wipe.

Philip opens up a new diaper to put on her, he adjusts the tightness of the Velcro around her thighs making sure it’s just loose enough. He picks her back up with a steady arm, and single handedly tugs off her dirty nightgown.

He bounces her softly on his hip while he searches for a shirt for her to wear in her wardrobe. Grabbing a cat t shirt he slides it onto her. Jenny grips her tiny hand in the long shirt Philip’s wearing. A smile stretches his lips as he watches her fondly.

She unexpectedly starts making unhappy noises, Philip furrows his brows.

“Are you hungry?” He asks her.

Jenny makes a face and continues whining, Philip slides his shirt sleeve down his shoulder. He feels nervous. Hes never breast fed her yet. He was too tired in the hospital, so the nurses had been giving her formula.

It vaguely reminds him how sore his tits are. They feel too full and swollen with milk, he presses his left nipple to her mouth. Jenny latches her lips around it and starts a steady suction. It _hurts_ , because they’re so sore, but it relieves a lot of pressure.

After nursing her on one of his breasts for a couple minutes, he switches sides. She suckles on his right one till she’s full. Philip wipes her shiny mouth with his sleeve. He spends a moment just looking at her, she watches him curiously.

“How did I make you so pretty?” he comments quietly.

Her eyes flicker around his face, before blinking tiredly. Philip rocks her rhythmically in his arms until he notices her eyes shutting. Philip gently places her back inside her crib, and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight sweetie.”

-

_8:42 A.M._

Philip busies himself in the kitchen, making breakfast. Whisking four eggs in a glass bowl, he pours them into a sizzling hot pan. He heats sausages in the microwave, and pours two glasses of orange juice. There’s slight creaking of the stairs in the distance, and the sound of the bathroom sink running. Philip uses a spatula to flip and cook the eggs evenly. He leans with his hip against the stove and flicks the heat off. Scooping the eggs out of the pan onto a two glass plates, Philip places them on their wooden circular table.

He goes toward the bathroom, and knocks on the closed door. Lukas opens it. He’s stood in his boxers brushing his teeth. Pulling his toothbrush out his mouth, he spits the toothpaste down the drain. Glancing back up at Philip, “Morning, baby” he grins. Philip leans his weight on the bathroom counter, “I made breakfast” and presses a soft kiss to Lukas’s lips. Lukas embraces Philip, holds him in his arms tightly.

 “Thanks sweetie.”

Lukas inhales the sweet smell of Philip's hair. Like _strawberries_. He smiles fondly that Philip’s been using Helens shampoo. Philip grasps his hand, “let’s go eat before it gets cold.”

Lukas checks on Jenny quietly, he retreats back out her room.

“She’s still sleeping.”

Philip nods, “I fed her just a little while ago.”

Lukas kisses him gently, and sits. They eat holding hands, Philip is watching him with an unsure expression. Lukas frowns, “what? Do I have food on my face?” Philip smiles shyly, “no it’s just, I talked to Helen earlier. She said you could move in, if you wanted to.” Wow, he thinks. He has the chance to wake up every day to Philip and be around to raise Jennifer. To live with his newly made family.

“Yeah, I’d love to.” He can’t hide his grin.

-

2 weeks later. May 2nd.

Moving in and dealing with Jennifer’s late night crying spells have taken a toll on both Lukas and Philip. Lukas rubs at the rings under his eyes, and sips his sugared coffee. A newly formed habit he started doing from Helen. She likes hers black, but he takes his with creamer. Philip’s holding Jen, and heating tea for himself with toast.

Pulling down the handle on the toaster, Philip begins. “Since you’ve been looking, I heard they have a few job openings in the newspaper. Gabe read them in there this morning.”

Lukas glances up. “No worries baby, I talked to my cousin Julian yesterday. He’s a foreman at a construction company over in Red Hook, he said he pulled some strings with Garry the boss, and got me a job secure.”

Philip smiles at that, “that’s great baby, I’m so proud of you.” He bounces Jenny on his hip, and makes silly faces at her. “Aren’t you excited for daddy?” he coos, she giggles excitedly. Lukas watches them fondly. “Come here.”  Philip goes quickly, leaning over as much as he can with Jennifer in his arms, he pecks Lukas. Lukas stands, and turns Philip around so he can plasters himself against his back. He moves a strand of wavy hair out of Philip's face. He holds him contently, arms closed like a locket around his waist. He nestles into his soft hair, and sighs.

“I love you” he whispers.

Philip turns around, his eyes are glossy.

“I love you too”, smiling shyly he adds “so much. Thanks for being here.”

Lukas cups his blushing cheek, “Of course I’m here. You and Jenny are my world, you know that.”

He presses a soft kiss to Philips lips and Jennifer’s head.

-

Later in the afternoon Helen stops home with groceries. Lukas helps her put the food away while Philip is busy upstairs washing Jennifer in the tub. He squirts a decent amount of Johnson’s baby shampoo onto his palm and runs it through her wet hair. Philip cleans her adorably chubby skin with baby body wash. She loves baths, makes happy noises when Philip washes the suds out her hair. After getting all the soap off her, he lifts her out and empties the drain. He dries her with a fluffy towel.

Opening his bedroom door, he places her down on the bed. Philip does up her fresh diaper, and grabs the white onesie he’d already picked out and slides it gently on her.

Lukas cracks the door, “Need any help?”

Philip shrugs his shoulders, “Nope, I got everything covered.”

He makes his way over, and tentatively picks up Jenny. “How’s my girl doing?” She only enjoys Lukas’s cooing for short seconds before she starts scrunching her face and making unhappy noises.

Philip sighs, “give me her.”

Lukas tenses his brows, “why?” Philip reaches for her and says simply “she’s hungry. She always makes that sound when she wants milk.” Philip unbuttons Lukas’s plaid shirt he’s wearing, and shoves it wide open. Holding Jenny high up on his chest, she hungrily reaches for his tit and opens her mouth to suckle his nipple. Philip watches her nurse for a few seconds before looking up to meet Lukas’s eyes.

“See? Told you she was hungry.”

Lukas rolls his eyes, but smiles anyway.

-

 _Three nights later_ , Friday, June _5 th_.

Jennifer is fresh out the bath tub, her hair plastered slickly to her forehead. Lukas busies himself with towel drying her. Soaking up the water out of her hair, her strands becomes all mussed up. Lukas tries to style her curls somewhat, she just gazes at him. She’s incredibly cute. It makes sense, he thinks. Philip is gorgeous, so of course their daughter is a stunner.

He grins at her, looking at her blue eyes. It reminds him that Jenny is _his_. Lukas presses kisses all over her face to get her to giggle and tickles her gently. She squeals happily and kicks her legs excitedly. His heart feels complete, looking at her. He loves her so much. It reminds him how magical it was when he seen her for the first time. He knew she had his heart and all she had to do was blink at him.

-

Later Friday Night _2:54 A.M._

Lukas is _so_ turned on. He hasn’t fucked Philip since before he had the baby. The doctor said for them to wait six weeks, and advised them to wear protection as Philip’s super fertile. His hormones are still sky high from just giving birth, so Lukas can’t raw him like he so badly wants to.

He slides his cock between Philips pale cheeks, and justs _grinds_ with his cock sliding wetly through them. Philip makes a slight sound, but doesn’t fully awaken. Lukas huffs impatiently, and slides down Philips back. Pressing wet kisses along his spine, he stops just above his ass.

Lukas grips one round cheek in his palm, and squeezes. Philip whimpers, _waking_. He splays his legs instinctively. Lukas grabs both cheeks and spreads them, looking at his tiny soft pink hole. He presses his tongue to it. Philip jerks and lets out a moan. Lukas continues to lick him out, prodding his cunt with his tongue. Philip lets out soft whining sounds while Lukas eats him out.

“ _Lukas_ ” Lukas ignores his whine, and sucks on his pussy. “ _Ah! Daddy_!”

Lukas shoves in a thumb, Philip clenches tightly around it with a high pitched moan.

Drizzling some lube onto his fingers, he shoves two more in. Too quickly. Philip cries out as he works his hips up and down Lukas’s long fingers.

He shoves them in roughly, feeling Philips _slick tight_ walls open around them.

Philip bites down on his bottom lip, and looks at Lukas with glossy eyes.

“ _Fuck me_ ”. He spreads his legs pliantly over Lukas’s crotch.

He grabs the base of Lukas’s cock, tilts it towards his hole. “In _here_ ” he finishes once the heads pressed snugly against his opening pussy. Lukas grips his cheeks in both hands and slides in deep.

Philip whimpers and flinches at the harsh stretch. Lukas pulls out, and thrusts in hard into the hot slickness. “You’re so fucking tight, _fuck_.”

 “ _Slow, baby_.” Philip gasps.

Lukas groans, and bites down on Philip’s milk filled tit. Philip whines and feels his eyes get wet from overload of sensation. Lukas sucks his sore nipples while he fucks him, rhythmically thrusting in balls deep. Philip’s prostate is getting overstimulated. He moans all pitched and girly when Lukas sinks in all the way.

Philip wraps a tight hand around his own pretty pink cock. Slides his hand up and down in time with Lukas’s thrusts. Philip grinds his hips downward, greedily trying to get Lukas's cock in as deep as possible.

He cries out when Lukas fucks up into his bundle of nerves, and shoots cum all over his own pumping fist. Lukas groans as Philip clenches down hard, he continues to pound Philip’s oversensitive cunt, and pulls out right before he nuts. Shooting thick stripes of cum all over Philip’s ass and thighs.

Philip feels Lukas’s sperm run down one of his cheeks into his crack. He scoffs, “asshole.”

Lukas grins sheepishly at him, “I wasn’t trying to nut inside you.”

Philip presses his flushed face back onto his pillow, “Get me a towel” he groans.

“Course”, and Lukas returns to wipe him down with a paper towel, but cleans the rest off of him by licking him clean with his tongue.

Philip smiles “You’re gross.”

“You love it” Lukas replies easily.

-

June _15 th_.

It’s blazing hot outside and instead of thoughts about swimming or motor biking all Lukas can think about is where he’d left Jenny’s diapers. “ _Fuck_.” He curses out loud as he shoves sunglasses and water bottles carelessly around, hoping to find her Huggies hidden somewhere in Philips never ending travel bag. He’s leaned over the backseat, searching with his hands deep in the tote. Starting to pull things out, first towels, then a sun hat, Lukas finds them buried underneath their bagged sandwiches. He groans.

Philip opens the car door with Jenna on his hip, “did you find them?”

Lukas holds them up and waves them.

Philip grins, “You’re a life saver.”

They kiss chastely, Lukas grins proudly. “I know.”

Lukas helps Philip switch her diaper in the backseat. Afterwards they make their way to the beach. It takes a minute of walking to get onto the sand.

It feels _magical_ , Philip thinks. Feeling all the warmth of the cream yellow colored sand in between his toes. The heat of the bright sun on his shoulders. It makes him feel _free_ and almost nostalgic, like he’s experiencing a moment his childhood should’ve had.

He thinks about his mom, how she’d would have loved it here. Looking down at his baby girl, he knows she would have completely adored her. Philip tries to ignore the tug at his heart knowing his mom never got the chance to meet her granddaughter. _His and Lukas’s_ beautiful daughter. Anne would’ve been so proud of Lukas too. For treating Philip well and being such a great father to Jenny.

Lukas tightens his hold on Philips hand and guides them closer to shore. He releases his grip and reaches for Jenny.

“Hey sweetie, let Philip put on sunscreen. You know how badly he burns in the sun.” Lukas says jokingly.

Philip smirks before flicking lotion at him, and mouths _asshole_.

Lukas laughs and continues rocking Jennifer in his arms. Philip wipes the excess of his sunscreen on Lukas’s arm and grabs Jennifer out of his hold. Lukas wetly kisses his cheek, and then lowers their overstuffed beach bag from his shoulder. Lukas rummages through it for beach towels, finding one of them. He hands it quickly to Philip so he can place Jenny. Philip splays the striped towel widely on the grainy sand, and sits down with Jenny in his lap.

Lukas finds the second towel bunched up in the corner of the bag, he opens it up and spreads it out next to Philips. Seating himself besides them, he rests his chin on Philip's shoulder. Lukas then wraps his long arms protectively around Philip and Jennifer.

His fingers play with her small hands while his lips suck gentle kisses into Philip neck. “Lukas!” Philip gasps. “Not here, you perv” Philip giggles, and adds with hopeful eyes “get me a water?”  Lukas nods. “Sure babe”, and feels around in the bag for one, he pulls one of the Dasani water bottles out and places it in Philips open palm. Philip smiles gratefully “thanks”, and unseals the cap to sip it.

They sit comfortably together, enjoying the slight wind cutting through the heat. Watching the wave’s crash against each other, the vibrancy of the sun glistening on the water. Philip rests his head on Lukas’s shoulder.

Jenny starts shifting and getting fussy so Philip grabs for her bottle. He puts the nipple near her mouth and she latches on quickly. Absentmindedly strokes her tufts of brown wavy hair. Brushes back the curls around her ears.

Lukas takes her, carrying her down to where the waves are coming in. She suckles her bottle and widens her eyes at the foamy waves in awe. She reaches out a grabby hand, Lukas laughs fondly.

“You’re too young to swim yet sweetheart.”

Watching quietly, Philip moves his knees to his chest. He feels so enraptured watching Lukas play with Jennifer, his heart seems to be bursting at the seams. He’s so in love. Philip knew how lost he was for him ever since their eyes first met in the junky 7/11. But now it’s different, now they’re at the beach, with Jennifer. Complete. Being a _family_.

He gets off the soft towel and joins them, sticking his feet slowly into the cold water. Lukas softly grabs Philips hand, and holds Jenny against his upper chest with the other.

-

Ten months later.

Philip knows something is up the second he wakes up nauseous. He feels heavy nervousness settle in the pit of his stomach as he retches last night’s dinner into the toilet bowl. Wiping disgustedly at his mouth, he groans.

He rummages under the sink, moves around old shampoo bottles and Clorox bleach before finding it. Opening the pink packaged pregnancy test container, he pulls one out. Philip plays with it nervously in his fingers, and sits on toilet and tries to pee. It takes a second. He starts peeing on the tester tip. The wait seems to drag on forever, Philip stares at the test while nervously tapping his toes on the grey tiles. He glances at his phone, it’s been a minute. He’s supposed to wait _three_. He huffs impatiently, shaking the stick. A minute later, it turns _positive_. Philip feels his heart skip a beat.

Philip’s brain is running a mile a second. They’ve been using fucking condoms, he thinks bitterly. Pinching his nose bridge in annoyance, he sighs. Philip searches the house for Lukas, every room. He is nowhere to be found, it makes him vaguely remember Gabe and Lukas making plans to make a go down to the dock.

Running a hand through the knots in his hair, he thinks. Maybe this is a good thing, giving Jennifer a sibling. He always wanted her to have one, but he was hoping further in the future. When Jenny is a little older. He flops back against the couch, and lets out an exhale. He closes his eyes. Opens them when he hears soft footsteps stop before him.

“Phi Phi” Jenny cries, stood in her nightgown. Her stuffed bear hanging from her enclosed fist.

Philip looks at her worriedly, “Jenny? What’s wrong sweetie?”.

Her bottom lip wobbles, “m’ scared, meany monster”.

“Come here baby, sleep with me.”

He lifts her by her armpits onto the couch, and wraps his arms around the tiny toddler. She snuggles into his chest feeling much safer and shuts her eyes. Philip sings rock a bye baby. Whispers the melody into her hair. Philip realizes she’s asleep when he looks down, sees her eyes shut and her breathing evenly. He pushes her chestnut colored locks out of her face, he wonders if she’d have a brother or a sister. He thinks maybe it’d be a boy, maybe he’d take after Lukas more. Have his hair, or nose. It makes a warm feeling replace the anxiety in his belly.

He freezes. Philip realizes that he wants this. He wants to give Jenny a brother. Wants to give Lukas another kid. It makes him wonder if Lukas _wants_ another kid. The thought washes an anxious feeling back onto him. Philip _needs_ to speak to him. He gently picks up Jennifer, and carries her back to the nursery. He places her in the white sheeted bed. Philip watches her hesitantly for a second. She continues sleeping soundly, all nestled up in her duck blanket. So he shuts the door.

-

He anxiously picks at his nails, time just ticks. He just waits. Listens for any incoming sounds, nothing. Nothing for a while. The door creaks open a little past 12:35 P.M. and Philip’s off his feet in seconds.

“Where were you?” Philip tenses his brows.

Lukas looks confused, “I was with Gabe. It’s only been thirty minute.” He shrugs.

Philip paces frustratedly. He feels his eyes watering, he adverts them to the floor.

“What’s going on? Philip?”

A tear makes its way down his cheek, he seats himself on the couch. Tucks his knees under his chin, glancing up with wet eyes he whispers “I did a pregnancy test today.” Lukas’s furrows his brows deeper, “a pregnancy test?” Philip looks away, and starts abruptly sobbing. Lukas embraces him quickly, pulling him flatly against his chest.

Philip mumbles brokenly, “I’m pregnant” into his shirt. He’s sure Lukas heard him the way he stills.

Lukas looks down in bewilderment “you're pregnant?”

Philip nods weakly against his chest. Feeling more tears slip out.

“Baby don’t cry.” Lukas whispers. “This might not be the best time, but we can make it work.” He finishes and tightens his hold on Philip.

-

_Seven years later_

Philip is at the beach, Jennifer and Dylan are running along the shore line. Toes dipping into the soft wet sand, warm ocean water sloshing at their ankles.

“Careful!” Lukas yells as Dylan jumps head first into an incoming wave.

Dylan gives him a thumbs up when he reappears. Philip smiles, and bounces Vanessa on his hip. He eyes Lukas amusedly.

“Well aren't you in protective dad mode?” Philip laughs.

Lukas touches his waist, “Yeah, yeah.” He grins. “Did Vanessa eat her food?” Lukas asks.

Philip hands him the half empty container of banana baby food. “She ate half.”

Lukas lifts her out of Philips grasp, and jogs carefully with her over to their kids. Philip tugs on the edge of his sun hat, and goes after them. Lukas is speaking excitedly to them about surfers. However Philip is eyeing the wary look on Vanessa face. She lets out expected cries pretty quickly, and Philip is quick to retrieve her out of her father’s grip.

He feeds her out on the beach, just pulls down one sleeve of his tank top. She’s whinier than Dylan was, and greedily reaches for his other nipple. Philip runs a hand atop her head, smoothing down her blonde strands while she nurses. Glancing back up, he spots Lukas splashing the waves playfully with Jennifer and Dylan. They all have big smiles on their faces, wet hair shiny in the hot sun. He closes his eyes contently.

_He dreams of blue oceans and baby cries._


End file.
